I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
