My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
