OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Blood and glitter go together right?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
