Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I think I won the penis lottery.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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