Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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