me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I think a kid would responsible me up
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
