Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
