Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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