I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
