I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
