drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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