Duck Duck Cougar?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
