she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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