so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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