whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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