it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
