i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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