whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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