i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
