why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
