My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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