I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
