Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
