Pants 0. Shit 1.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
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you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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