You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
