I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
