my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Everyone says I win the strip club
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
