Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Randomize
