The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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