Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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