I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
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