Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I just forgot I was standing up.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
