I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
