I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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