Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
