my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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