I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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