uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
