So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
