I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
