Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
