Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Couch. On fire.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
