pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
