there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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