I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Randomize
