you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
