wake up i wanna do it froggy style
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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