You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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