my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
i want to swaddle you in tequila
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
