Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
