the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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