I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
