i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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