In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
