I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
