Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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