Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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