his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize