I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
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