College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
