I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
