just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
