Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
