please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
