hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
