Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Randomize
