I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
