I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
