Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
