My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blood and glitter go together right?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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