Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
